Recent Posts

Knowing when to leave before my expiration date

tobifairley.com

I have been trying to realize when I am passed the expiration date.  I like to hang onto things with a death grip. Mainly‚ its fear of the unknown‚ and internally‚ fearing of losing an old identity. What will I be without x‚y‚and z? I have been doing the same mundane job or task over and over. I know that  I have been  complacent and unhappy. Truly‚ it was pulling teeth to get up and go to work everyday.

For example‚ I should have quit the old job months before  when the day-to-day tasks became a burden. I held on because  the what ifs kept running like a tape recorder in my head.The questions that kept firing off where‚ what if I don’t make enough money at the new position? What if I hate my new job? Then‚ where will I be? All the irrational fears kept my feet cemented to the ground.  I knew I wasn’t happy and couldn’t  honor my feelings. The voice of responsibility said I needed to stay the course. It took my getting fed up‚ and having a good cry‚ to quit finally.

I have also done this with goals I have wanted to achieve in my life. For a time‚ I wanted to pursue a music career. I got a guitar‚ learned how to  play‚ took music lessons‚ and tried out for anything pertaining to music. I enjoyed it for a couple years. Then‚ it started to become a chore  to practice everyday. I  put guilt on myself  because I didn’t play long enough. There was all this energy and time thrown into music‚ and if  I walked away‚ I would have to admit defeat. I had put all this time and money into honing  music skills‚ that I felt an obligation to keep going.

Then‚ the last six months I realized I do not have to push myself in a direction that is pass the expiration date. It was okay that I grew out of the job and music path. My interests are moving somewhere else and the does not mean I am a failure or that I have wasted time. I can pick up and do something I am passionate about. Meanwhile‚ a weight has been lifted off my chest. I no longer had to buy into what I should be doing in life.

Fear is a funny thing and it will push you to do things you are no longer feeling anymore. A great spiritual teacher and author who I respect said‚  “When you get rid of your fear of failure‚ your tensions about succeeding… you can be yourself. Relaxed. You’ll no longer be driving with your brakes on.” ― Anthony de Mello  I have been using the brakes my whole life. I now want to put my feet on the gas and go wherever the wind takes me.

Have you had a similar experience in your life?